DISSAPOINTED

I am equally annoyed by racism as I am for the minorities who choose to use the race card and use racism at the drop of a hat over nothing and be like the kid that cried wolf and got eaten for being a dumbass.

Every single time that I have gotten accused of racism I really want to get violent. I am not a racist, I do not have a bigot bone in my body, something I do not take credit for but thank my mom for being open minded and having a heart of gold. When we were growing up there was a kid in the neighborhood the other kids weren’t allowed to play with because he was gay. He was 10 years old or so and was friends with my brother. He was sweetest, kindest kid and he used to tell us all the time he understood if we didn’t want to be his friend. The kid was also famous because he was on a TV show at the time and had no friends whatsoever. The only house he was allowed in was ours because the moms in the neighborhood thought his “situation” was contagious and they didn’t want him poisoning their kids and turning them fruity. My mom was even stopped and asked to recapitulate and consider the damage this child was doing on my brother’s psyche. My mom gave a rare show of her temper and told them to fuck off.
Stuff like that stays with you. I was taught from a young age not to care about what people are and concentrate on their actions.

I have been living all this time with pink colored glasses because although I have been a target to some ignorant people they have all been so damn dumb is hard to take offense (you cannot blame people for being stupid and racist when they have been fucking their sisters and interbreeding. Bloodlines deteriorate like that, is not their fault). I thought that the majority of us were above racism to a certain point. We have a black president! (I am NOT saying African American) and even though some crazy white people out there were not happy about it, still the great majority of the NORMAL people were okay with it.

I was so freaking mistaken is appalling! And I HATE to be wrong. This lady I know was talking to me about her child and how now that he is about to leave elementary school and start middle she is choosing schools. Apparently her child is “gifted” (aren’t they all?) and she is choosing magnet schools for him. She complained this morning in desperation because all the schools she is thinking about are all “black” schools? What do you mean? I asked thinking it stood for something. “They are all full of blacks”. I stood there thinking she was going to laugh (She voted for Obama!!) but she wasn’t. She was being serious! She meant it. She didn’t want her “gifted” child to associate with black people. I turned around and came to my computer to type this. As I do it she is still right now still complaining to others about it. She says the schools have “nothing but black people in it” What does she expect? For them to have their own school? For segregation to start again so her part Puerto Rican, part German, part Jewish and part BLACK child can go to school with people with her same skin color? The fact that the woman’s father is part black is just flabbergasting.

I have been so silly! I thought all this time that when some complained about being discriminated against it was just whining and complaining and manipulating those still ridden with “white guilt”. I thought that some were taking advantage of the fact that now everyone has to be extremely P.C. and everyone’s scared of being sued and everyone is scared of being accused of being racist, or sexist, of bigoted. I thought things were moving forward! Shame on me for being so stupid.

As I write this I remember another “friendship” that ended because of a similar issue. I was friends with a woman I met on ESOL classes when I first came to the country. She was Colombian and was married to a blond blue eyed Gringo who was simply gorgeous (kinda like me). They had two little girls about to start elementary school and one day we were driving around an area an hour away from where we lived and they were thinking of moving to. They were looking for schools and were checking out the playgrounds of some of them. After playground number four I asked “What the heck are we doing?” and he said. “I’m counting the blacks” and proceeded to tell me that there were more black children than white and therefore the school was unacceptable. She nodded her head at his brand wisdom and sighed at the trouble of having to keep looking for a school with enough whites.

I looked at the kids playing in the playground and felt incredibly and horribly guilty of being in that car sharing my air with those disgusting people that had seemed so nice and now were judging a school because of a group of 7 year old skin color. They knew nothing of it. They kept playing innocent of the devious minds of adults that should know better but are nonetheless thinking them less because they are black. That was the last time I saw them and never again accepted their invitations to hang out because if I were black they wouldn’t be inviting me anywhere. I guess my brown skin was good enough for them, well their rotted minds and souls are not good enough for me, thank you very much.

I’m feeling a little sad today. I actually liked and respected this fellow Obama supporter, this fellow woman, this fellow shoe lover I spend hours with. We liked the same books, the same movies. I lent her my Ann Rice novels! She and I had even the same virulent temper that sometimes gets away from us.

I feel a little betrayed, a little confused, a little nauseated. Vipers hide everywhere. One never knows where they are, where they hide their poison, when they’ll strike. I guess this will show Dear Husband why I don’t trust anybody, because inevitably some of them show their true colors, and theirs are never black and always ugly.