Happy New Year 2011

Another year is almost over, another year in this country, struggling to belong, struggling to get my affairs in order, struggling to organize my life, to start the life I want, struggling to find enough money to pay for some things, struggling to find a way to go to school (etc)

And in the middle of all that I am so happy. I am happy because I am healthy and in love, surrounded by family and full of friends. I am thin (yay diet), I am happy with myself, happy with my family, happy with the visitors I got from Colombia, my aunt and cousin whom I hadn’t seen in a decade.

I never thought eight years ago that there would come a time when Christmas wouldn’t depress me, when New Year’s Eve wouldn’t be a time to cry. Yet here I am, looking forward to tomorrow (and the insane skinny white dress I am wearing) but also looking forward to the bittersweet feeling when is midnight and I find myself still here for one more year.

While it sounds scary, the truth is that way of thinking has made me enjoy life and what it brings in a way that only uncertainty can. I feel so blessed (ugh for the nonbeliever in me) and so lucky I feel like I am bragging.

I will get teary eyed tomorrow. Teary eyed for that land that I truly belong to and I haven’t stepped on in a decade, I would get sad because its music stir my souls and makes my heart ache, I will be sad because I will remember all those other years when I was younger and sharing with other people I haven’t seen in so long and probably will never see again. I will cry for those moments lost, for those moments I didn’t appreciate because I didn’t know where never coming back. And still I will smile, smile for the plentiful in front of me, for the beautiful luck I have, for the overwhelming abundance of beautifulness that is my life.

This time, I celebrate New Year’s not only with my sister and brother, mother and husband, sister and brother in laws but also with my aunt and my cousin. I wonder if anyone but someone who has been separated from family can understand how monumental this moment is, how special it was seeing each other after so long, how touching it was that time and distance never made us strangers.

So, happy New Year readers, whoever you are. Enjoy your day, near you family, wife, husband, partner, friend, cat, dog, and TV set, whoever and whatever you have in your life that makes you happy. Think of the year ahead and expect the best.

Smile, laugh, love, live.

THANKSGIVING AND MY NEW BEST FRIEND, XANAX

I apologize to those of you who kindly take the time to read my blog for the long days of not posting. I was hit with a thing I call writer's block (and other folks just call sheer lazyness) and couldn't find a thing to say. If you have nothing interesting to say better stay quiet right?. I didn't want to bore you guys with blathering nonesense just for the sake of posting something.

Anywho, Oh the holiday season is here! Tra-la-la-la-la-la and all that! I am so excited that December starts tomorrow and that finally I can go all Christmas-crazy with a reason. I woke up this morning feeling completely blah and ech and icky (a combination of spicy chicken wings for dinner, a fight with Dear Husband and the start of my monthly cycle) and then I remembered November is over today, I get paid and Christmas for me starts tomorrow woot woot, yay, holla and all those!

I had an amazing time from Wednesday on when Dear Husband and I left to go to Indiana to see the family for thanksgiving. As I have shared before, I have of late developed this paralizing tiny fear of flying and a dear friend of mine was sweet enough to share some of her Xanax with me so I could relax on the way there (bless your heart AL). I rode the flight to Atlanta on nothing but a rum&coke and experienced THE worst flight I’ve ever taken. We were delayed for an hour and thirty minutes because of bad weather and the entire way there was so rocky we couldn’t even get drinks because it wasn’t safe to pull the cart. I spent the flight shaking, watching Cash Cab and pretending I wasn’t praying for whichever God above to let me see another day.

We landed safely in Atlanta with plenty of time to catch our flight to Indy and I sat at the TGI Fridays in the airport downing martinis and trying to get my heart rate back to normal. Twenty minutes before take-off I chugged the last of my third dirty martini with the Xanax I should’ve taken on the first flight and let me tell you I completely understand why people get addicted to prescription medication because I haven’t been that relaxed since I stopped sucking thumb and drinking chocolate Nesquik from a baby bottle. I was laughing in the face of death the entire flight to Indianapolis and every time the plane shook I contemplated my mortality with a cheery thought and prepared with eagerness for my next life (I am a firm believer in reincarnation). I am never flying any other way but with Xanax and Grey Goose running freely through my system.

Indianapolis was as always cold and grey (I’ve only been over there during the fall) and we had a great time on Thanksgiving eating turkey and spending time with Dear Husband side of the family I don’t get to see much. I talked to his charming grandpa who recently lost his wife and was touched by how much in love he still seemed to be with his deceased wife. We exchanged presents (we are not seeing them for Christmas) and spent a few hours playing Monopoly. Spending time with Dear Husband’s family (I haven’t been married enough time to start thinking of them as my family just yet) always makes me think how obviously different we are. Not just his family and mine but how different the interaction between him and his family is, the interaction between them and myself and my family and him. There is an air of… formality I am not used to and that I think is normal here but completely foreign to me. I am used to being irreverent and used to talking to my family members the same way I talk to my friends. With his family there seems to be a more delineated line between “adults” and “children” even though we are now ALL adults there is that deference to the uncles, aunts, parents etc that we don’t use in my family.

I know people that read this blog might think I get repetitive when I say that I get these moments when I realize how different we truly are, Dear Husband and I. But it seems as if I never run out of them. You know those moments when the light goes off and I am presented with yet another example. I try to convey to Dear Husband how I see the differences as interesting but I think sometimes the words come out a little critical as if I was comparing his family to mine (with his losing to mine) instead of just comparing notes.

As his family said goodbye, and his aunt and uncle and cousins left for the day to go back to their hometown which is several hours away from Indianapolis I couldn’t help but be surprised at how differently we express our love for each other. They obviously love one another since they drove hours to come to Indianapolis to spend an afternoon together; but as they left waving goodbye I found it so weird that they would wave goodbye instead of hugging each other or kissing each other. The whole departure was so sudden and efficient I was left reeling! One moment they are saying “we gotta go because we have a long drive” and the next they are all bundled up and waving goodbye at the door.

Do you have any idea how damn long it takes for my family to actually leave a freaking place?! We say goodbye like seventeen times and then there is always someone who has to go pee and another starts telling a story of something that happened twenty years ago and then we are all involved in the story and we say goodbye again and we start talking all over and by the time we are at the door we have hugged, kissed and hugged and kissed and hugged and kissed each other goodbye so many times it could last us a lifetime.

Friday we went to Chicago. I couldn’t help but be in utter awe at the sight of Lake Michigan. That thing looks like the freaking Ocean! The cold wasn’t that bad and I loved seeing my breath puff in front of me. We saw a PETA demonstration in front of a fur store and even though I really don’t like PETA I also really don’t like fur so I was just hoping for some fake-blood throwing scenario but nothing happened (sucks). We spend the night playing Sequence with mom in law’s family whom I adore because they are amazing and laughing at the stories they had to tell. My new grandma is one of those saucy women that haven’t let religiousness get in the way of their humor. She is tiny, white haired and full of spunk.

Saturday came too soon and it was already time to go, a grumpy Dear Husband was suffering from a horrible migraine that wouldn’t go away and concerned family members were getting on his frayed nerves. By the time we made it to the Atlanta Airport after an uneventful flight from Indiana we were exhausted, hungry, annoyed and ready to make it home. All of the sudden a simple conversation trying to compare Chicago to D.C. for our next home turned suddenly into a fight over Dear Husband selfishness and his marriage to his iPhone and my daddy issues. Believe me it was not a fun flight to Miami but again Lady Xanax came to my rescue and I was just too chilled to give a damn.

Oh the issues that come up when families get together and emotions are running high…

We made it home exhausted and emotionally beaten. I hate arguing with Dear Husband and I know he hates arguing with me because I am hard to beat in a verbal fight and if I am angry I get mean.

Today though I saw the calendar and the slate was wiped clean. There is no silly argument that Christmas cannot cure and all I can think of now is the pretty gifts I’ll give, the pretty tree we’ll get, the decorations, the Christmas music, having family over, and how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me, a family that I adore, a roof over my head, money in the bank, an evil cat who loves me in spite of his better judgment and a dog who peed on her bed last night after a doggie nightmare.

I might fight with Dear Husband. I might complain about my weight. I might have a homicidal hatred for Dear Husband’s cell phone and his obsession with it. We might be strapped for cash and my birthday this year might be celebrated less than gloriously. But our house will smell like pine and Max and Zoey will spend their first Christmas together and my sister will come down from NOLA and we’ll have a great time together and there isn't any need for Xanax for that.

SEASONS CHANGE & SOON THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YEAR!!

I don’t think most people here realize just how amazing it is to be able to enjoy watching the seasons change. Most people here take for granted the breathtaking coloring of the leaves, the white pristine snow that cover their cars, bloomy spring that comes and greets you when you’ve had enough of white and gray and blistering summer when you are yearning for the beach. They rather concentrate on the leaves they have to rake, the salt to break the ice, the allergy from the pollen and the humidity that comes with heat. Ungrateful bastards you all! (Sorry, I am bitter).

Oh how I wish I could enjoy some snow fight and catch some ticks on the leaves (I read somewhere they love dead leaves) or walk under full bloom cherry blossoms in DC and…well to be honest I could give up summer for a while. I know people in cold weather envy the Florida heat, ignorant bastards all of you (again I apologize) but believe me there is something to be said about change. About pulling out the boots and gloves, and thick woolen socks and scarves. Something to be said about wishing for spring so you can wear that cute white summer dress you didn’t get to wear as much as you wanted.

There is no break in this Florida monotony. No kaleidoscope of colors, no white to the horizon, no romantic and tragic naked trees, just green and green and green and more green. Back at home we didn’t get a change in season; we got hot summer with cool breezes and no humidity and lots of rain and then blissful chill that lasted for months.

I don’t think there is anything as frustrating for me than to go shopping for a Christmas tree when is 89 degrees outside. So freaking discouraging! How is one to choose a beautiful tree to light one’s Christmas if is blistering hot outside? Last year I had to wait until almost the 20th when it finally got chilly (Florida chilly) the nerve, the fucking nerve!!!

But no matter, there is no weather wretched enough to ruin Christmas for me. Hell, October ends and I get the tingles! What is going to make this Christmas more special than others is that I am married this year for the first time and you know what that means? Only one set of gifts from the both of us!! I knew there had to be something good about being shacked up (I kid, Googly Bear, I kid).

Every year Christmas gets here and I go a little crazy. I admit it, there are worse problems to have than this. I am one of those psycho people who are done with Christmas shopping by Thanksgiving and is totally broke in January because of the 12 foot tree she jammed in her living room. I go all out, I go insane I even buy presents for my cat Max who cannot possibly celebrate Christmas since he is the spawn of Satan and that would make no sense... And the worst is (for those around me not for me) that I don’t consider Christmas just the 25th of December, for me Christmas is to be celebrated for the entire month of December from the 1st to the 31st!! *She gives an evil cackle* I sing carols at the office, my iPod plays nothing but Christmas music and Dear Husband hates me because he ends up with: -“Just hear those sleigh bells jingling, ring-ting-tingling too. Come on is lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you. Outside the snow is falling and friends are calling ‘Yoo-hoo’ Come on is lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you!”- Stuck in his head until May.

I tell you, you people have AWESOME Christmas music. I mean don’t get me wrong I have wonderful memories of my dancing to my Christmas music from home but there is just something so typical Hollywood and United State-y to the music, so cheery and happy and I can feel myself going crazy already and I can’t wait for December to start!!!! (Yes, all those exclamation points are needed). Poor Dear Husband is probably already dreading the month to come and my obsession with it. I guess is because I am myself a Christmas baby I consider the whole month my month.

I am flabbergasted every year when I see the 27th of December, sad looking trees thrown carelessly on the front porch of some houses, littering the sidewalks and just thrown there, ignored without dignity as if they didn’t matter as if they hadn’t gifted them with hours and hours of shiny sparkly color. I name my tree every year (hey, don’t judge) and every year I feel the loss when is time to say goodbye and I am holding onto one end and Dear Husband is pulling the other screaming “It’s February!!” Sigh, good times.

Back at home Christmas starts sometime in October and doesn’t end until late January. We enjoy the hell out of Christmas, with concerts, food, more food, drinking, never ending dancing, shopping and some more food. Back at home Christmas is a black tie event. Even if you are just throwing a party at your own house with the three members of your family (which is impossible because we are Hispanic) you still dress to the nine to welcome baby Jesus and the New Year. We don’t wear jeans, or cotton, or flats. We do our hair, our nails, our makeup and in full attire gorge on pastries filled with pork, beef and vegetables.

Here you have Christmas during the day, which is so odd. We first of all celebrate Christmas Eve so the 24th we spend the day preparing, getting ready, cooking last minute, finding shoes to go with the outfit and then around 10 pm we start eating and drinking and dancing and then at midnight we wish each other a Merry Christmas.

On New Year’s Eve we wear yellow underwear, eat 12 grapes for 12 wishes for 12 months, we carry money for a prosperous New Year and carry suitcases around so the year to come brings some traveling. We dance until our feet weep and vow never to wear the shoes again that go so fabulously well with the outfit we purchased to wear that day.

I have seen friends here welcome the New Year in their PJs. That is unacceptable! What kind of year can you expect ahead if you welcome it on your Hello-Kitty slippers and your hair like a nest? Hell New Year it’s so damn important that even Microsoft Office 2007 knows it because it won’t let me put it on lower case!

Back home and now here, in foreign land we choose to spend them with family because that’s how we want your next year to be, around family and friends, surrounded by love ones, with plenty of food, money, travel, adventure, awesome clothes, looking beautiful and full of hope for the things to come.

We are only 16 days away from Thanksgiving and we all know that means December is around the corner.

Poor baby, get ready!!