Apr 22, 2011


We went to our lawyer again. I was never expecting any good news since I have never received good news from the man who has been my lawyer for eight years and yet I still get tired of the bad news heaped on me every time I see him. I almost want to sit on his office and put my hands to my ears and go “lalalalalalalalala” and avoid listening to what he has to say. But I can’t so I sit there and get ear raped with his words every time I go.

To summarize what he said, there is nothing to do but wait. He wasn’t joking when he said that the office of the WPB branch, where my case now rests, was a difficult one. He gave us three choices: (1) wait and see when they will feel like giving me an interview; (2) sue them for taking longer than the law allows them reviewing my case and giving me an interview or (3) re-file my I-130 with the Miami office which is apparently faster and more efficient.

He also said that if we sued we would win the case and get an interview and then I would lose any hope of remaining here because out of spite they would deny the request. My other choice of filing the paperwork again at the other office is not a choice really since it would entail us coughing up another $5,000 and losing the $5,000 we already spent on having the case in West Palm Beach.

In other words we really have no other choice but to wait. To see and hope that when and if they grant us an interview I won’t be detained like the woman I saw yesterday at my lawyer’s office who got her interview date just to trick her into showing up and then detaining, her just for giggles and to have her walk around with an ankle bracelet to monitor her movements as if she was some sort of dangerous pedophile that needs to be kept on a tight leash. Of course we immigrants are the real danger of this country. Let the pedophiles and sexual predators roam free and “register” and have us illegal immigrants tagged like animals. Makes total sense.

I really wonder what the point of that device is in this case. We are talking about a woman who has, like me, been open about where she lives, has no criminal records and is waiting for her marriage to be verified as real, but while they don’t give her an answer about her case she has to walk around like some shamed whore in a Hawthorne novel with that glaring device at her foot labeling her a criminal.

In the middle of my sympathetic indignation all I could think about was that if it happened to me I wouldn’t be able to wear shorts or skirts, dresses or skinny jeans. I also thought about being sent to Krome and wearing an orange jumpsuit. I was, however, reassured when my lawyer told me they actually made them wear blue.

As I sat there, seething with impotence and wanting to wail, tear my hair, tear my lawyer’s hair, apologize to my husband, I saw him (my lawyer) maybe for the first time really looking at me, and when I said “there is always Canada” he tilted his head to the side and with what seemed to be compassion he told me “You made the decision to stay, you can’t quit now, it’ll happen”. Part of me was slightly reassured about his words of encouragement and then I realized he is just hoping I hire him to get my citizenship if my shit ever goes through.

I really have no hope any longer. I have but only one champion and that is Dear Husband and he is, as I am, powerless against the system. We have to be humble and patient, we are asking for a favor, is what our lawyer said and every fiber in my being rebelled against the idea of being humble and being patient. Why should I be humble? I am smart and I am (according to the letter applying for my change of status) an asset to my community so why in the fucking world would I be humble? Why should I have to beg? There is nothing I want enough to beg for.

While we drove back home, low in spirits and angry I looked at the cars driving by and felt so damn powerless it was as if I was being physically held down. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk, I could do nothing but stare at the passing cars trying to tell myself that maybe the passengers of those cars had it worse than me.

So we are deciding what to do by April 28, 2012. That day, D DAY is my ten year anniversary of coming to the U.S. That day we are leaving this country to search for the future that the land of opportunity refuses to give me. We are at the moment looking for a country that will take us.

I told DH that I was sorry that he probably should’ve married some white girl who would’ve popped some children already and made his parents grandparents again. He said “Stop it. I know what I was getting into...Besides white girls have no ass”

I laughed. In the middle of my anguish, in the middle of all that frustrating rage I laughed. Because I have THE greatest husband on the face of the earth who can make me laugh when I feel like utter undeserving shit.

And I don’t give a flying mother fucking fuck whether the INS recognizes it or not.


Jess said...

God, there are so many words that want to cross my lips right now, but my son is within earshot. I am so sorry that you have to deal with this, and my rage was just magnified reading about the woman who was tricked into coming in just to be detained.

And your husband rules for that comment about asses.

Mel82 said...

Thank you so much for being angry in my behalf. That is very sweet of you. I was angry too believe me. Then I was just tired and depressed but I am a grudge holder not a sulker so now I am in "what's the next step" mode.

I honestly am wondering what will happen if they detain me too when we get our interview. I am not one to go meekly and quietly. Oh well, I guess we'll just have to see.

davidjacquesmusic said...


Hello, I've been looking for a way to contact you but can't seem to find any email address on your profile, so I thought maybe I'd try just leaving a comment.
My name is David Jacques, I'm a music education and composition student at Northern Arizona University. I hope you don't mind, but I used your blog as an example for a project in one of my multi-cultural education classes last semester (as you may know, immigration is quite the subject here in Arizona). Since my project I have continued following your incredible story, and am very touched by the accomplishments you have made.
Aside from being a future educator, I am also a musician and composer of modern classical music. With your permission, I would love to take excerpts of your text and set them to music in a multi-movement work for piano and soprano voice.
I strongly believe in the rights of our nations immigrants, and I would love to help tell your incredible story through my music.
You can reach me at davidjacquesmusic@gmail.com I really hope to hear back from you.

Thank you,
David Jacques

Anonymous said...

once again, for the 1,000,000,000,000,00 time

1. No one is anti immigrant. Peope that learn english, have a job, are vaccinated and have a sponser, like our grandparents and parents had to, we welcome with open arms.
2. No one born here is an immigrant. This idiocy is perpetrated upon countless young white people all the time "Youre an immigrant too". No. NO. I was born here. Therefore I am native. If the qualificatoin for being "native" means you have to be indigenous all the way back to your first generation on the earth, then we all have to go back to Africa in a swamp and get rid of our vertebrae. This is my native land. Not yours. You can ask me to come here. I can say yes or no. If I say no and you still walk in my house, eat my food and then bitch because I dont have any more for your wife and kids, yeah, I'm going to be resentful.
3. Illegal Immigrants are criminals. You are breaking the laws of our soverign nation. You show us no respect. You should be deported. Instead we give you free health care, free emergency care, free housing, welfare, WIC, preferential race based treatment in the name of diversity, free public schooling and you think its cute that we want you to learn our language? Your arrogance is amazing.
4. You should not want to hold on to your native culture. It sucks, thats why you came to ours. If youw ant to keep your culture, then stay there and live it up. Don't make America like your country or we'll all have to leave here too. Be sneaking into Canada pretty soon.