DIRTY MINDS THINK ALIKE

It never ceases to amaze me just how incredibly inappropriate Hispanic people are, sometimes I forget or simply don’t notice because I am so used to it, but there is nothing like having dinner with a bunch of Colombians, Venezuelans, Chileans and Mexicans for the combination to be too much for all our dirty tendencies.

DH and I were enjoying a delicious night of BBQ and Karaoke, or maybe I should say I was being tortured by the smell of delicious cow murder while he ate (5 months 21 days of vegetarianism and counting!) when the hosts of our dinner started passing along an array of penis shaped paraphernalia. From an eight inch penis-shaped flute (you blow at the head of course) very accurate with balls and all and another one of a mustachioed guy seating on a toilet with his pants around his ankle and with a ecstatic look on his face while his hand wrapped around an engorged penis that was bigger than he was. Don’t ask me why a host would do that. Is one of those Hispanic mysteries nobody has an answer to, right up there with what’s in a morcilla (no longer a mystery and wish I never knew) and why we can’t help it but be loud.

While I made do with rice, and salad and bread and all those around me feasted on the mouthwatering victims of murder I thought about how weird it was for people to bring out those pieces of porny, tacky sexual art. Then I realized I have lost my edge. I have been surrounded by that inappropriate shit all my life and never before made me blink an eye.

I remember having lunch at my aunt’s house in Colombia and across her dinner table she had a painting of a woman who seems to be either touching herself or someone else is touching her, and another of two lovers that seem to have escaped from a porn version of Cirque du Soleil. The thing is the strokes of the brush in the paintings are so delicate and sometimes not quite there and you never know if you are really seeing what you think you are seeing or if it is in fact blatantly sexual art.

The result is that you spent the 45 minutes of dinner at times staring at the painting and other’s trying not to stare while you pretend to be eating and incredibly uncomfortable that your hosts and owners of the painting is your family and the figure sticks hanging in the wall are getting it on and feeling oddly hot and bothered at THE MOST inappropriate time. That same family member also served their morning coffee on boob-shaped cups and you had to drink from the nipple, which I didn’t really considered weird when I was growing up but now that I have been here for 8 years I find rather odd. The prudishness here is contagious!

As I passed along the clay guy with the huge schlong and manic look in his eyes to DH I expected him to be somewhat chagrined at what I viewed as another weird thing we do that he has to get used to and I laughed and said: “I can’t imagine passing this along at dinner with your family” since his family is fairly conservative. I expected him to laugh and enjoy the “art” I didn’t expect for him to ask loudly and in front of all the natural born hecklers I hang out with (who by the way are all over 40, married and with children) for me to blow on the head of the “flute” and make some music. Neither did I expect him to say “You have more practice than me” in front of all of them (my mom included) when I told him “Why don’t You blow?”.

All I can conclude in that he has been thoroughly and completely corrupted and that he will no longer be embarrassed by anything.

Which considering my family and friends it’s a blessing.

AND HERE WE GO

I knew it would eventually make it here to Florida but I was silly enough to hope it would take longer or maybe wouldn’t make it here at all. Intolerance, ignorance and dislike though are like a pestilence and like any fetid disease it spreads faster than wildfire.

I was watching Jeopardy! last night cheering on Vijay to make it for the final Tournament of Champions when during a commercial the face of Republican Rick Scott took over the screen. I didn’t know what the commercial was about because the miracle of the DVR allows us to fast forward through all those pesky commercials but something in his face made me ask DH to stop and rewind. The commercial starts with Mr. Scott showing a clip of a joke made by President Obama and saying “President Obama thinks our immigration problem is funny” and off it goes to manipulate the viewer by saying that it’s simply logical for the police to be allowed to enforced the law.

What Mr. Scott doesn’t waste time saying and explaining to his possible constituents is that there is a reason why Federal Laws are not enforced by state police. If illegal immigrants, regardless of their origin, do not feel safe to approach the police they can become victims of violent crimes without the possibility of ever being protected because of a fear of being deported. What about that illegal immigrant who is a witness of a crime and won’t testify because his fear of being deported keeps him from approaching a cop with information?

That is only ONE of the many reasons why Federal Laws are not to be enforced by state police. I am sure most people don’t think of this detail. Most people would look at Mr. Scoot bald and shiny head and think just like him. See a trustworthy individual who is worried about the safety of its fellow Americans since according to him we immigrants “endanger” you citizens. I don't really grasp how innocent, little me can endanger anyone.

I was a little alarmed before but now I am really starting to worry. I am not completely out of the woods since my process has not been finalized. Do I want to stay in a country that is so set against me? I wish I could say I can consider Canada but I don’t want to leave. I love it here. Unrequited love is painful but I still love it. I am comfortable here. I like this country and I like its people (not liking some of them at the moment though). I don’t want to have to start from scratch once more. I like Canadians but even though some of them don't like me, I really do like my Gringos.

My loyalties are already so divided. I am a woman with no land and no matter where I go I will always be a foreigner. If I go back to my native Colombia I would be considered Venezuelan because of my accent. If I go back to Venezuela they would consider me Colombian because of my nationality. Now I speak English and live in the U.S. but the U.S. doesn’t want me. If I go to Canada what would that make me? A Colombian national who grew up in Venezuela, married in the U.S. and will move to Canada.

Ugh.

I have been reduced to a sound. "Ugh" That’s all I can say about this.

http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0510/Scott_in_Florida_attacks_Obama_on_immigration_joke.html

ARIZONA LOVES GUNS, HATES SPICS

Ok, so I am exaggerating and being inflammatory and biased. That’s the beauty of blogs; I don’t have to curve my opinions because it is MY blog. (It’s my party and I cry if I want to). It’s a shame really what is happening in Arizona; I had it in my head to visit every state in this country since I can’t travel outside yet and I thought since the U.S. is so big, varied and beautiful there is still plenty for me to see here without feeling bad that I can’t travel outside yet. So far I’ve been in Louisiana, New York, Massachusetts, Maryland, D.C., South Carolina, Rhode Island, Connecticut and of course Florida.

When the concealed weapon law passed in Arizona (allowed in bars and all that) I decided on the spot to forget about visiting the state. I don’t want to be in a place that allows such a lethal combination as guns and alcohol and now that I am one of those bothering spics they want to get rid of I decided, for my safety, to stay away from there. I fit, after all, the description of what they are trying to purge the state of. There goes my visit to the Grand Canyon!

I understand some of the reasoning behind people that are against illegal immigration. You cannot go to Law School for two years and not learn a little to see the two sides of every argument. I understand when “they” say that immigrants should learn English. I completely agree with that statement (but then again I speak it so it may be easy for me to say so), I think that since we decided to come to this country then we have to go native, as they say. We have to try to, not forget where we come from, but definitely try to embrace some of the things that this country offers. We should all make an effort to speak the language. This country offers free ESOL classes (I know because I took them) and they don’t ask you for papers to take ESOL classes why not make an effort and try to learn?

I understand that, what I don’t understand is the vitriol that comes from the people that hate us. It is a little scary to be honest, I have never been in the receiving end of such intense dislike. When I read the comments of users in the online news I feel…I don’t know how to explain it, it’s not fear, or maybe not just fear, but a combination of fear and confusion. Confusion because I don’t see myself as an usurper, I don’t see myself as a burden to this country, I don’t see myself depleting the coffers or using welfare or crowding the ER and leaving unpaid bills. I don’t see myself as an obstacle to progress. I’ve paid my taxes, I pay my bills, I work hard, I contribute and all that I’ve done with the government doing its best to kick me out.

I don’t think people here understand really what it means to be an immigrant. I think they think we want to feel unwanted or that we simply don’t care and that we come here like leeches to suck the U.S dry and take advantage. That is never the case. I think most of them forget where they come from since the U.S. Is first and foremost a country built BY immigrants starting with those first immigrants that came here aboard the Mayflower.

We come here because there is no future where we come from, because we want to work and make money, because we want a roof over our heads and food on our table. We come here because there is no other choice. Why else would we come to a place that doesn’t want us? To a place where we have to learn a new language and struggle through cultural differences? Why else would we leave everything we love and know behind if it wasn’t because we want to work for something better?

To those who say we steal their jobs, I ask, which job am I taking from you? and shouldn’t it behoove you to wonder why they prefer to hire me over you? What am I bringing to the table that you aren’t?

To those who say I’ve caused gang troubles. I am not even going to bother addressing that one, the big cities in the U.S. have always had gang problems and it’s not exclusively a problem caused by immigrants and I am the furthest thing from a homie as you can get.

To those who say I am living on welfare, I have never EVER in the 8 years I’ve been in this country received help from the government. I've worked for everything I have and own and no-fucking-body is going to come and tell me it was a handout.

To those who say we increase the crime rates in areas, all I can say is I don’t even jaywalk and have never broken a law in this country or any other.

What exactly is it that they dislike about me? They don’t know me, they don’t know what kind of person I am, what my goals and dreams are, if I am good or lazy, or hard working and bad. Do they dislike my skin color? Or is it my accent or maybe my customes? Or is it simply the fact that I am here breathing their air, regardless of the reasons, regardless of how hard I work? Is it easier for them to pile me up with a group of people instead of think of us as individuals? With different stories, different reasons, different backgrounds, different personalities, different needs? I guess is easier for them to think of us as a whole group of people instead of thinking of of each of us as a person.

Would it matter if I was blond? Would they even notice I am here if I was a redhead? Or black? Is it my stature and my brown skin that makes me unwanted? Are Irish immigrants in Arizona also unwanted? Canadians? Brittish? Or just the little brown ones? Just the ones of us that look like spics? What about Asians?
I can’t say how sad it was to read that news yesterday on the day of my 8th anniversary of coming to this country.

Is it going to make a difference in my future what happens in Arizona? Who knows, maybe if the law isn’t considered unconstitutional then others might try to pass similar laws in other states and it would spread like a disease and it might eventually touch me.

I guess all we can do is wait and see.