May 21, 2010


It never ceases to amaze me just how incredibly inappropriate Hispanic people are, sometimes I forget or simply don’t notice because I am so used to it, but there is nothing like having dinner with a bunch of Colombians, Venezuelans, Chileans and Mexicans for the combination to be too much for all our dirty tendencies.

DH and I were enjoying a delicious night of BBQ and Karaoke, or maybe I should say I was being tortured by the smell of delicious cow murder while he ate (5 months 21 days of vegetarianism and counting!) when the hosts of our dinner started passing along an array of penis shaped paraphernalia. From an eight inch penis-shaped flute (you blow at the head of course) very accurate with balls and all and another one of a mustachioed guy seating on a toilet with his pants around his ankle and with a ecstatic look on his face while his hand wrapped around an engorged penis that was bigger than he was. Don’t ask me why a host would do that. Is one of those Hispanic mysteries nobody has an answer to, right up there with what’s in a morcilla (no longer a mystery and wish I never knew) and why we can’t help it but be loud.

While I made do with rice, and salad and bread and all those around me feasted on the mouthwatering victims of murder I thought about how weird it was for people to bring out those pieces of porny, tacky sexual art. Then I realized I have lost my edge. I have been surrounded by that inappropriate shit all my life and never before made me blink an eye.

I remember having lunch at my aunt’s house in Colombia and across her dinner table she had a painting of a woman who seems to be either touching herself or someone else is touching her, and another of two lovers that seem to have escaped from a porn version of Cirque du Soleil. The thing is the strokes of the brush in the paintings are so delicate and sometimes not quite there and you never know if you are really seeing what you think you are seeing or if it is in fact blatantly sexual art.

The result is that you spent the 45 minutes of dinner at times staring at the painting and other’s trying not to stare while you pretend to be eating and incredibly uncomfortable that your hosts and owners of the painting is your family and the figure sticks hanging in the wall are getting it on and feeling oddly hot and bothered at THE MOST inappropriate time. That same family member also served their morning coffee on boob-shaped cups and you had to drink from the nipple, which I didn’t really considered weird when I was growing up but now that I have been here for 8 years I find rather odd. The prudishness here is contagious!

As I passed along the clay guy with the huge schlong and manic look in his eyes to DH I expected him to be somewhat chagrined at what I viewed as another weird thing we do that he has to get used to and I laughed and said: “I can’t imagine passing this along at dinner with your family” since his family is fairly conservative. I expected him to laugh and enjoy the “art” I didn’t expect for him to ask loudly and in front of all the natural born hecklers I hang out with (who by the way are all over 40, married and with children) for me to blow on the head of the “flute” and make some music. Neither did I expect him to say “You have more practice than me” in front of all of them (my mom included) when I told him “Why don’t You blow?”.

All I can conclude in that he has been thoroughly and completely corrupted and that he will no longer be embarrassed by anything.

Which considering my family and friends it’s a blessing.


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Anonymous said...

It's a bit low class, I see this on my more culturally relativistic side of the family. But who cares? Free country baby.

p.s. Is Oliver Stone insane?

Mel82 said...


I am not sure if it has to do with class or not. I have met people in all sectors of society (Hispanics) and they all seem to have that same level of irreverence that turns into inappropriateness.

But indeed free country!

Oliver Stone crazy? I don't know, probably drowning in his huge ego, that is the only thing I can conclude, that he thinks himself not only informed but with the right to go meddle with foreign country's policies and give his opinion. He is entitled to his opinion of course, but when the platform he expresses his opinions is as big as his is I think he should do some research to both side of the story before spewing stupidity left and right.

About the only thing I agreed on this article was "He will go down in history" of course he will go down in history, he has wreaked havoc on a country that was at its most vulnerable but full of potential and turned into the mess it is now.

Huitz'Sapi said...

Your writing is very from the soul. It shows the ability to take what we all see and point out the things which are interesting, funny, thought provoking. That ability to gleen gems from coal and present them well is rare.

I am not normally one for blogs. Blogs and twitter to me are wonderful in that one can write what they feel...the problem is that most people don't really have that much interesting to say. You do have interesting things to say.

One thing I find interesting is that you are Latina and have married a Güero, moving to the U.S....I am a Güero Vikingo and have married a Mexicano. He and I are moving to Mexico.

You and I are completely reversed.

The differences in families is something I noticed right off the bat. I love all my inlaws and have been treated like gold by all of them.


Huitz'Sapi said...

forgot to check box below

Mel82 said...


How long have you been married?

And wow, I am so going to use that quote when someone asks me about my writing, I'll say "well critics have said that I have the ability to gleen gems from coal and present them well is rare" Lol and totally brag about it.

Thank you so much for those words. Writers are naturally insecure I think and need constant reassurance that what we are writing is not crap, especially when it's personal stuff like the one here.

So again, thank you and please keep commenting on former posts if you read them. I hope you do and tell me what you think.