THE DANGERS OF FLORIDA ROADS

Dear Reader,

In this post I will discuss the dangers of driving in Florida

Danger No. 1: The ever present snow birds, which almost always are way too old to drive and sometimes even turn onto oncoming traffic.

Danger No. 2: Drunk or hungover club rats.

Danger No. 3: Lazy/Stupid Fauna, which includes the following: Ditzy squirrels, escaped cats and dogs, too fat to fly ducks, slow raccoons and opossums, angry gators, misplaced coyotes and once in a while the random black bear, a deer or two if you are driving north and the scarce Florida Panther.

Danger No. 4: Canadians who actually respect the traffic laws and don’t know how to drive around all the crazy Hispanics.   The other North Americans that aren’t Canadian have learned to survive us and drive like us as a form of self preservation. If you can’t beat them, join them! (I’m looking at you Dear Husband)

Danger No. 5: ME!

That’s right. I am danger number 5. I am now legally roaming the Florida roads because dear reader, yours truly finally has a driver’s license. Hooray! Woo Hoo!

Not only do I have a driver’s license but after four years of saving I own my little adorable Mazda 3. Not the Bank, not the dealership, but Me, I, Moi! YO!!  I own it. My very own car with my very own driver’s license. *Insert victory dance*

I probably was the only 30 year old who took that driving test today. They actually announced over the speaker system in the DMV when the first timer’s got their DL. They were all gangly, pimply faced and sixteen. I was so grateful they didn’t announce my sorry ass over the speaker, being a 30 year old first time driver is kinda weird.

During the driving test the lady spent the entire time scolding me for driving with one hand (how am I going to use turning signal without letting go of the wheel?) and scolding me for talking back like she was my mom. She then told me that I passed the test but that I drove like a “latino”. She would know since she was Venezuelan from Caracas and people in the capital drive like maniacs.

It still feels weird to drive, even though I legally can and I know how, I still feel unsure, I guess cockyness will come with experience, right now I drive super carefully and afraid of everything on the road.

Another thing to celebrate is that I actually don't look bad on my DL pic, a Christmas Miracle!

Anyway, Florida drivers beware!!

HOLIDAYS AND THE HISTORY CHANNEL

Watching the History Channel’s new series “Mankind: The Story of all of us” might not be the best to watch during the holiday season. Maybe watching Falalala Lifetime is a better idea.

Yesterday we were watching Episode 2 in the series of 6 and it was just downright depressing! What exactly have we learned since the beginning of mankind? Not much. Oh sure, we have advances in technology and civil rights for women and minorities have expanded in parts of the world, and we don’t have to die of a fever or for stepping on a nail or giving birth. Sure we have been to the moon (or not according to conspiracy theorist) and we can communicate across the world in ways never imagined 20 years before…. but mankind’s core remains the same, hateful and greedy.

All the wars and slaughter we learn about with cold detachment when watching the show, are the same wars as always. Wars started because My God is better than Yours, that land used to be my land, that money should be my money, that position of power you have is the one I want. The worst part is that historically it seems there is never enough power, enough money, enough land, and enough people dying in the name of their Gods to satisfy humanity’s apparent thirst for warfare.

The wars haven’t changed, the reasons haven’t changed the only thing that has changed is HOW we kill each other, more efficiently and quicker (interesting things to take pride on).

That is why I love this video that keeps floating about the interwebs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ID0kgP9IVhs 

Why do I love it? Well aside from the fact that deep down I am a sucker, it is also because it gives me a little hope for humanity. Actually it doesn’t restore my hope for humanity, because humanity as a whole is just a cesspool of everything Mr. Grinch is (an appalling dump heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable mangled up in tangled up knots). But it does remind me that individuals are capable of small acts of goodness and amazing feats of generosity.  Now more than ever we need to hope that as individuals we can be amazing.

 

Humanity is nothing more than a mob waiting for someone to attack, someone to hang and throw rocks at. Why? Because, because you are thinner, or prettier, or richer, or believe in Aliens, or don’t, or I don’t like your God, or you are brown, or white, or yellow, or a red-head, or a midget, or morbidly obese, or blond, a virgin or a slut. No matter what, humanity doesn’t need a reason to hate it just does. Why? Because that’s what society teaches, it teaches hatred and intolerance towards everything that is different from what you know. 

My sister says that every ill on this world is because of lack of love. If someone is rude to her in the bank/supermarket/bus she just thinks to herself “that person needs more love, a hug, a girlfriend, a good conversation, a shoulder to lean on” Love in her book, can fix everything and lack of love is the root of all evil.

When I continue watching this show and feeling as if we have learned nothing and that we have actually emotionally and spiritually devolved, I will try to remember those happy commercials when people actually act like a superior species.  Not because of opposable thumbs, use of tools, intelligence and accomplishments but because we are evolved enough to be good, kind, respectful of one another.

So go ahead, let’s not allow history repeat itself; open a door, give up a seat, hold that secret, don’t share that juicy gossip, keep the snark to a minimum, smile to everyone, give hugs, be nice, be just, be kind.  According to the commercial it only takes one.

THE BIG THREE O

Dear reader, yours truly turns thirty this year. I don’t know where exactly I thought I would be when I was thirty but I don’t think I imagined myself where I am.

I remember I thought that by thirty I would be trying to have a kid, part of what society expects of married females when they reach a certain age. When you are seventeen you don’t think about how young and inexperienced you are still going to feel by the time you reach thirty. I actually don’t feel like an adult most of the time. That is until I hang out with younger people obsessed with Justin Bieber, have no clue who’s Marty McFly and type “dat” instead of “that” in text messages….then, then! I feel  ancient.

I have been a late bloomer my whole life, in every aspect of my life. I had my first kiss when I was sixteen; I had my first job by nineteen when most people had already worked two different jobs. I will be buying my first car this week at twenty nine years old when most people my age had to upgrade their third or fourth car to a minivan to be able to accommodate the soccer team their toddler plays with. I guess it is because I have been delayed by life and circumstances that I don’t feel thirty and that I feel like I have so much time still to accomplish what I want.

Am I supposed to feel unaccomplished because I am thirty and I haven’t accomplished whatever goals I set for myself when I was younger? What IS success exactly and how does one measure it? I feel fairly successful; I am happily married, healthy, out of debt, employed and with a meager yet ever growing savings account. Is that how we view success? Or should I have fame and fortune to feel successful? I am not sure, and to be honest is not a question that keeps me up at night. On the other hand absolutely nothing keeps me up at night.

I look back at the past almost thirty years of my life and I count as a success that I have no regrets. I have gotten too drunk and made a fool of myself too many times to count, I have broken and started friendships, I have fought and argued with family, said hurtful things I didn’t mean, worked hard, cried, worked out, danced, gained weight, lost weight, fell in lust, in love, in hatred, met new people, laughed until my belly ached, spent hours chatting with friends and family, danced and ate some more and conquered some fears while I surrendered to others.

Most of all I have learned a lot, I learned a lot about myself that I don’t like but don’t know how to change and a lot about myself that I like and fuck everyone else who doesn’t’. Still there is so much to learn.

I need to learn to stop judging others and holding them to the same standards to which I hold myself; they will unavoidably disappoint you because they won’t make the same decisions you do.  We are all different and the sooner I learn that the faster I will get used to people doing stuff their own way, which doesn’t make it the wrong way, just different.

I need to learn how to be more patient.

I need to learn how to be less bossy and managing (so hard! If I was a dog I would be a freaking shepherd, trying to herd everybody)

I need to learn how to control my temper even if people deserve the bite of it, I never feel happy after, no matter how right I am.

I need to stop scaring myself out of doing things and stop thinking about all the things that could go wrong.

I need to learn that when people ask for an advice they still have the liberty not to follow it (even if it is the best advice ever given!), it is not a fucking contract signed in blood.

The list goes on and on...  

I wonder though if my goals should be more palpable, less subjective, am I supposed to wish for quantifiable goals? Are goals for self improvement not real goals? Am I supposed to wish for a bigger house, a better car and more money? I don’t know. I guess I am not materialistic enough in a world that revolves around money and how you spend it. I feel like it’s OK to have “enough” and is difficult to adjust to the idea that society doesn’t think “enough” is good enough and we are supposed to be always hungry and searching for more.

If there is more to accomplish and much more to want then I guess is good I am only thirty, maybe by the time I am fifty I will have learned all the things I mentioned, I will have learned how to play the ukelele (new goal) and will be in search of more accomplishments, more tangible goals that I can compare side by side to someone else. I can get that PHD, and swim in pools of money and have a bigger house and a better car...maybe I am young and naive and silly because right now I don't think that's important.

DUH

I can explain it now. I know why I didn’t feel like I thought I would when I received the Green Card.

All these years I had been working under the misconception that the green card was the only thing holding me back from true happiness, that if only I could have my GC, everything would be alright with the world and bliss would be mine.

The thing I discovered was that I was already happy. Yes, the immigration issues were a problem and a nightmare and a pain in the ass, frustratingly slow and mind boggling but I was happy, without it I was happy and with it I am happy too. I don’t need it.

Ok, who am I kidding? I mean I do need it. I need it to be able to stay in the country, and work and live a normal life and be part of this country in a recognizable way, but I don’t need it to be happy, I don’t need it to be me.

I didn’t know how to feel because all this time I have been granting the GC almost mystical powers; it was the Holy Grail of my quest, as if getting it was going to be my salvation.

What a revelation and how silly of me for not knowing that was the reason. So damn simple. All those emotions I always imagined myself having (hell I even imagined myself crying of happiness and that only happens at weddings) weren’t happening because I was already feeling like that and it didn’t have anything to do with my immigration status. I was and am happy, I am content, I am in love, I am safe and warm, I don’t go hungry and everyone that I love and care about are also healthy and well and I’ll assume at least moderately happy.

 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t go around the streets tra-la-laing and skipping and twirling around and talking to the birds (just the squirrels), I get mad and sad and pissed off and frustrated and I do feel this sense of dissatisfaction about my professional life, my frustrated dreams of being a published author and the state of my thighs.  But all in all, I am happy and the Green Card is just the cherry on top.

Now I am just full of questions and half assed plans and it’s so close to the holidays that I have decided to postpone all the soul searching until after the merry season. Still the questions hound me and swirl in my head, crowding my thoughts and keeping me from enjoying this time when everything is solved but there’s still so much to do. Amazing how possibilities are more overwhelming than the lack of them.

Where do I go from here?

What are my plans?

Are we staying in Florida?

Am I going back to school?

If yes, what I am going to school for?

Will I have to take math classes if I go back to school?

Why do I hate math so much? 

Do I really suffer from Dyscalculia? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dyscalculia

What car am I buying?

When am I going to stop procrastinating and actually go to the DMV to do the driving test?

Are we buying a house? Where? How big? When?

Can we get another dog?

How about a pet rat? (Completely unrelated and DH said no on the pet rat)

I am turning my brain off; these questions can all wait until after I empty the bank account buying Christmas presents and when January 1, 2013 gets here.

 

Unless the Mayans were onto something….