I love Jeopardy!, I was introduced to it by Dear Husband when we started dating and was amazed by how smart he was knowing all the Geography, Sports, History and Trivia questions (I kicked his ass on Literature, Mythology and Arts). Every time the Stupid Question, Stupid Answers category comes up (I’ve seen it at least 5 to 10 times in the last two years) I get pissed off, because the questions are truly so stupid I can’t answer them! I always end up thinking the answer cannot be the answer because this is Jeopardy! People! And the answer, therefore, cannot be that easy.
Sometimes people remind me of the Stupid Question from Jeopardy! Since my fateful arrival to this country I have been introduced to so many stupid people I have been truly amazed. Now I don’t want to make it sound like the stupid people reside in this country only. I do not want to imply that people here in average are stupid or dumber than anywhere else, because is neither true nor my intention to make it sound like that. But you see the U.S. is a country of extremes, I have met the kindest, nicest, funniest, smartest, sweetest and hottest people here in the U.S. I have also met the craziest, the meanest, the rudest, cruelest and dumbest.
I guess diversity has a lot to do with that. There is such an amazing medley of cultures and races here I am sure one is bound to meet the worst and best of all without even trying. Since most of my adult life has been spent in the U.S (I was like a baby bird back home, featherless and wingless) I cannot be at fault that most of my knowledge and experience comes from interacting with people from here.
Now that the P.C. police have been appeased I can continue. As I was saying I have met my share of dumb people, bless their heart, and they have provided me with endless hours of entertainment and endless feelings of superiority (shame on me) and sometimes, I swear sometimes I do try to be nice about it, but come on! It’s hard to be nice or patient and not roll my eyes when people that should know better say stuff worthy of the Jeopardy! Category.
Here are a few sample moments that I am not making up and actually happened, I swear:
Them: Oh so you are from Venezuela? Cool. Do you guys have like... ketchup and stuff?
Them: Ketchup, you know tomato sauce.
Me: Like Heinz? Yes…. Why?
Them: Oh so even the same brands! Imagine that.
Them: So you had Coca Cola and stuff over there too.
Me: I’m from Venezuela, not Cold War Russia.
Them: What about hot water?
Me: Are you serious?
Them: So you have water heaters, because my mom was on a mission once and she said she had to shower with cold water.
Me: She was probably in a very small town.
Them: Oh so not all towns are small? You lived in a city? You didn’t see monkeys flying and stuff? Snakes?
Me: In the zoo! I lived in a city.
Them: Oh…so you had like cars and stuff…right?
Me: Yes, we have cars.
Them: Your English is very good, you barely have an accent.
Me: Thank you. I learned watching “Friends”
Them: Oh so they play it over there too!
Me: It’s called cable.
Them: So you were born in Colombia, how interesting.
Me: Thanks, I think so.
Them: So were you ever a drug mule?
Me: Excuse me?
Them: Well isn’t that what Colombians do?
Me: Go read a book.
Them: So where exactly is your country located?
Me: In South America.
Them: Oh! (laugh) I thought you were a foreigner, so what part of Florida?
Me: Kill me now